The Golden Goddess of the Overflowing Cups... notes on a recent dream.

In the dream I was tired, run down, exhausted.  I came upon a golden glowing little cherub faced goddess.  She was wearing a golden chain jacket with shimmering crystal cups all over it.  All of them were full to overflowing with the most beautiful sun lit water.  She sent out warmth and comfort and I was awe struck.  Then she came to me and offered me one of her cups.  I hesitated and then drank.  It was the most refreshing drink and I felt myself coming alive.  She gave me another and I drank it.  I no longer felt tired.  I drank one more.  Every time I drank, I handed the cup back to her and she put it back on her coat and it filled back up again.  I stopped feeling afraid that I was taking anything from her that would deplete her.  She seemed to have plenty to share.  When I had had enough, she gave me a cup and told me to give water to others that needed it.  I went out with the cup and found someone and helped them to quench their thirst.  Then I came back and exchanged that cup for a full one in order to go help someone else.  I kept going like this for a while. 

One trip out, with an overflowing cup, I ran into an old friend of mine.  I was so happy to give this friend water since I knew how much they needed it.  The friend drank and then hid the cup in their jacket.  I asked politely for the cup back.  “Please, I have to give it back to the goddess.”  “I have no cup.”  “Yes, the one that held the water I gave you.”  “You never gave me anything.  All you ever do is take, take, take.  Even if I had this cup you talk about I wouldn’t give it back to you.  You owe me.  Why do you deserve this goddess and not me?”  “But if you keep the cup, it won’t be refilled.”  I said.  “Like I said,” said the old friend that did not seem much like a friend anymore, “I don’t have the cup and even if I did, I don’t owe you anything.” 

I suppose that’s true I thought… no one owes me anything… but I can’t go back to the goddess empty handed!  I had been responsible for the cup and had lost it.  I could not go back.

I wandered as I thought and soon found myself hungry and tired again and thinking my old friend was right.  All I do is take take take…. Maybe I don’t deserve the generosity of a goddess…. 

Soon I happened upon a house and I entered.  Everyone seemed sullen like me.  We all gathered at a table to eat supper (the table of the dead souls).  I noticed that everyone else at the table was only pretending to eat and their skin and eyes were drawn and ashen.  I was indeed hungry but I didn’t want to eat and give away that I was actually alive.  I looked down at my arm and realized it was turning ashen like the rest of them.  I realized I was becoming dead like them.  In terror I looked up.  I caught eyes with an old woman at the end of the table who mouthed, “Get out of here!” 

I got up slow and then I ran!  I got to the front door of the house which was now suspended in space and there was no ground underneath my feet were I to continue.  I looked back and they were all chasing me!  I looked forward into the nothingness and…  I jumped.

I free fell for at least a minute and then 3 benevolent spirits swooped underneath me and picked me up.  They gently fly me to safety atop a cloud.   It was daylight now and it was beautiful out.  They showed me how to jump on the clouds.  I jumped and I jumped high!  It was so easy and super fun!  Then they told me to jump down to the earth below.  Suddenly I was aware of being above the earth.  It looked beautiful down below but really far away!  “I’m afraid.”  I said.  “I’ll die if I jump down there.”  “You won’t die,” They said.  “You’ll learn to live.”  “But jumping is easy up here.  Its not easy down there.”  “You have to learn to walk as lightly on the planet as you do on the clouds.”  They told me and for some reason I believed them.  I thought… this is the only way.  Let it all go and then maybe all will be forgiven.  Maybe I’ll get to see the goddess again and maybe I’ll get to help her deliver the water.  Maybe I can live.  Maybe it could be fun….

So I jumped.

And the earth was bouncy like the clouds and so were the buildings and so were the cars.  I jumped.  I flew.  I played.  And LIFE felt like something worth living!!!  I jumped from the earth to the clouds and back again.  It was easy… and I was free. 

One day I found myself walking along a path and I once again I came upon the golden goddess.  When she saw me I saw a tear form in her eye.  I knelt before her and begged her forgiveness for returning without the crystal cup.  She leaned down and lifted me up and handed me a glass of water.  “I did not miss the cup,” she said.  “I have plenty of cups.  And new cups grow on me every minute.  I missed YOU.” 

In the flash it all became clear.  She never needed the cup back.  I was the one who decided that was true and I was the one who had banished myself.  I could have just returned to her. There was no crime and no need for punishment.  All was already well.

“I missed you too!”  I said.  And the two of us returned to basking in the light of one another, she with her overflowing cups and me with my ability to distribute it with joy and lightness between the earth and the clouds.

"A Real Life Halloween Ghost Story! BEWARE!!"

All of my life I have had a funny knack for attracting interesting INPUT (shall we say) from the other side.  Around the time that I started doing a lot of inner spiritual work, I started attracting a number of unwanted GHOSTS!  

One evening, about 10 years ago, in my guest house in North Hollywood I was shocked into total awakeness when the light fixture fell out of the ceiling and stopped its fall right by my left ear.  I turned, wide eyed, to look at it just as the bookshelf to my right started unloading itself.  Like a movie, books shot across the room.  I knew enough to know at that point to say something along the lines of “If you are not here from my highest good, please leave!”  And it did, like a movie trailer, with a rush out the window!

I used the “If you are not here for my highest good” thing for a while but I still would here a lot of ghostly chatter in my ears and sometimes I would have run ins where I would see them as well.  They always seemed to need something from me but I had no idea what…. so one by one I kept sending them away. 

A few years passed and I bought a condo.  I lived there for a few years and for 2 years I lived with a ghost.  He wasn’t always apparent but he would do what I called sneak attacks where I would turn and he would be inches from my face.  Or I would come around a corner and walk THROUGH him.  “Yickes!!  Stop that!!”  was my typical response.  The “please leave” thing didn’t seem to be working with him and all in all we lived fairly peacefully together.  But I felt his sadness.  I knew he wanted to move on but didn’t know how… AND I knew he was there for my highest good because… well… he wasn’t leaving!!!

One day at a social gathering, one friend to another, one conversation to the next, I found a sweet man who knew how to cross ghosts!  “Its easy” he said and he gave me the protocol.  I went immediately home and summoned my ghostly male houseguest to put this thing to the test!!  I created a portal and I literally FELT his whole essence go up through my heart and into the light.  It was the most astounding experience.  I felt his love and gratitude and above all else… freedom.  He was finally free. 

For the first week after I moved into my next house I was haunted with dreams of dying children, my dogs barked incessantly, and I was beyond just the typical move weary.  My very practical scientist friend who doesn’t understand me all the time but always listens to the data, reminded me that I should make a portal.  HA!  Of course!  So I sat down and checked in with the house and found out there were between 20 and 25 child ghosts in the house!  Somehow this house and I had become the pied piper for ghost children!!   So I gathered the children and I told them about the light.  I told them about the love there and I told them that if they went there they could still visit me and this house anytime they wanted too because once they were in the light they could do anything and go anywhere… freely!  I explained that once there they would be spirits and no longer ghosts and I made it sound fun and playful and like a delightful afternoon adventure.  They listened and when I made the portal I felt every one of them crawl up my body and into the light.  It was beautiful.  The dogs watched and then went to sleep.  The barking ceased and life in that home was wonderful for the next few years.

I have really grown to love my ghostly friends the same way we love our little ones who dress up in sheets with holes and pretend to be ghost on this day each year.  And in some ways it’s the same for those of us still living as it is for the ghosts.  Often through something traumatic, spirits loose their connection to source and forget how to live in the light of total connection, love, and eternal life… and become ghosts.  I feel like that sometimes.  I forget how loved I am.  I forget how connected to the light I can be… instantaneously.   I, in a sense, become a ghost of myself. 

I am so grateful that we live in a time jam packed with way showers, lightworkers, and deep lovers of the eternal light.   It’s the trick or the treat.  Which do we believe?  The trick is that we are only human… that we are small... that we are not that significant… that we are disconnected.  The treat is realizing we are already home.  We just have to wake up and accept that we are already free.

Happy Halloween.  May every door you knock on in your life, today and always, shower you in abundant connection.

Love~

~jenny

“Superhero Sunday”

This morning I awoke from such a cool dream!!!  I was a Japanese anime girl and I was flying very quickly through the story of my life.  The whole dream only lasted a few minutes but it was VIVID with detail! 

Here’s the story:  As a very young girl I was beaten and abused.  Right at the point that I was going to loose all hope, I was rescued by a band of men.  They trained me to be a contract killer.  I was good at it because I was so angry at what had been done to me.  After a few years I was done being angry and I didn’t want to kill anymore.  I just wanted to be free.  But the men had made me and owned me now and I would be killed if I did not continue to work for them.  So I got creative.  Over the next few years I developed my psychic gifts, learned to listen to my instincts, and opened my heart no matter how hard it was.  I had a knack for knowing my next victims before they were assigned to me and I would get to them right at the point that they were about to loose all hope and turn down a dark path and I would LOVE them.  It became my gift and stealth mission to get to my victims at the moments they would turn “bad” and lighten their spirits and lift their hearts enough that they wouldn’t go down the path of getting assigned to me to assassinate them later.  Eventually I trained other girls to be undercover superheroes and together we joined forces to eradicate the heartbreak that would lead someone to forgetting their essence, turning dark, and eventually getting killed.  Our “JOB” was to spread delight (the light) and eventually I made my contract killing job obsolete and was set free not because I fought for my freedom but created a whole new reality where the old job could no longer exist. 

I woke up feeling light and happy and laughing at how fun it all was and thought, “My word!  All the love and light and FUN after such a dark history.”  But isn’t that true and possible for all of us?  How many of us have NOT suffered in some way or another?  And then there is the collective “women’s story” in here.  From victim to power but the power is force.  And then opening our hearts and finding our REAL power is love and the creation of possibilities.  The women and the girls were saving the children before they lost all hope!  I love that and I know that women know HOW to do that when we are awake and paying attention and activating all of our gifts!!  We can find heartbreak and comfort it and love it before its turns into anger and rage and rampant evil.   

Anger is powerful but love is stronger.  Activate your love, Superwomen!!  Up the voltage!!  And lets let ‘em have it!!!

Y’all are de light full.  ;)

Love~

~jenny

"Choose Love!!"

It was an honor to attend the Global Women’s Summit today and I was so thrilled to be sharing the space with such an amazing group of women who each represented circles of women connected to other women… and working together to support women everywhere in rising up and claiming their voice, and their brilliance, and above all their strength through unity and sisterhood. 

We don’t realize how powerful we are and alone on our individual paths we can tend lack confidence.  But when we are in a room together with other people committed to being a part of creating a world where there is no warfare anymore and to the dream of eventually creating poverty museums there is a miraculous thing that happens.  Cells realign.  DNA shifts and thoughts of “I’m not good enough” turn into thoughts of “You better believe I’m enough!  And I’m with HER and HER and HER and we got love in SPADES for the raising of this whole PLANET!  How’s THAT for ENOUGH?!”  It’s really quite miraculous. 

There is a rebirthing happening on this planet in each of us and in all of us for we are all one.  Something is disintegrating and something is birthing.  Times are changing and it can feel terrifying and tenuous… But love is strong and love is creative.  I loved that Mariane Williamson said today, “If you’re not grieving… then you’re not alive.  And if you’re not celebrating every morning all that is possible now… then you’re not alive either.”  

Yesterday was the end of the Mayan calendar.  I believe we are all feeling it at some not fully conscious level.  Was it all supposed to end?  Well it didn’t.  Here we still are but we are on the edge.  Riding a line.  Working to tip the scales.  And wondering what we can do. 

I say, start with love.  Start with kindness.  Start with appreciating your own brilliant light.  And gather your community!  Tell each other stories.  Weave your lives into theirs.  Tell each other your dreams and stand in support of each other’s dreams emerging.  Far more of us are ready to support each other then tear each other down.  Go for it!  Grab a hold of your own precious life and grab a hold of the people in your life as well.  Stand for them.  Love them.  Discover what it means to be connected, vulnerable, seen, and loved.   Choose love.  Choose each other.  And expect the miraculous. 

I stand with you.  My heart with yours.

Much love~

~jenny

"What does it Matter?"

The question always presents at the beginning of any undertaking… “What does it matter?”  OR  “Will anyone care?” OR  “Will I even care??” once I get started?”  All good questions I supposed and the rabbit hole of each of them is deep and tricky and can often keep us from even beginning. 

I had a day of that earlier this week.  I was plagued with the terribly paralyzing feeling that  “none of this matters.”  So then, that day, being with the question of “what is trying to emerge or birth through me?” (A question I love to ask myself and my clients) was coming right up against the thoughts of “I don’t know dammit but whatever it is can crawl right back up in there cuz ultimately it probably doesn’t MATTER anyway!”

“Wow!” I thought.  “That thought is mad.  Interesting!  Is it right?”  I like to listen to anything anyone says including myself as if everything they are saying is absolutely true.  Mostly I do that because every thing we say we DO make true.  We create our reality by what we think and say so if that is one of my angry and emotional thoughts then I want to really investigate it to find out if its true.  Cuz if its true… If I really believe its true…. Then reality goes one direction.  And that’s fine.  It will be the new way of it.  But if I investigate it and find out it’s NOT true, then the potential for transformation of that insistent, paralyzing thought pattern is tremendous. 

I’m not sure I decided to move ahead with the debunking of the thought but somewhere in me an agreement took place to slay the dragon and go into the darkness.  Suddenly nothing mattered.  I had taken on the filter of that perception and it was undeniably good at building its case.  For the whole of a day I couldn’t see a good reason to continue living.  I saw all things and everything through the chosen filter of “It doesn’t matter.”  I talked, I wrote, I processed, I showered, I walked the dogs, I stared at walls, I meditated, I cried and I processed my way to total exhaustion. 

Later in the evening on the phone with a sweet friend there was a break in the conversation and she said, “Wasn’t out waiter sweet yesterday?”  Suddenly I was struck by the sweetness of the waiter.  I was struck that she had noticed that sweetness and that that that 2 seconds had had an impact on her.  Then I was struck with the thought that I would NEVER be anything other then kind to a waiter or anyone for that matter, especially after having waited tables for a number of years in the past!  Then I thought, “Well that’s interesting, Jenny. If it doesn’t matter, then why NOT be unkind to the waiter or to anyone else for that matter!?” 

And there it was.  The challenge.  The rumble.  And then the floodgates.

“Why not?? Why NOT?!  BECAUSE IT MATTERS!  BECAUSE WHAT WE DO MATTERS.  EVERY THOUGHT, EVERY ACTION, EVERY LITTLE THING HAS IMPLICATIONS FOR MORE SUFFERING OR MORE JOY IN THE WHOLE OF THE ENTIRE UNIVERSE!  I WANT TO BE FOR THE JOY!” 

And there it was.  What I really believed rang through load and clear.  I had debunked my own bad thinking, brought in the big guns of my angel self, crinkled my nose at the paralyzing thought, and dematerialized the bonds of the thing that had held me hostage all day (and for a lifetime for that matter!) Within the course of a few seconds my whole inner and outer world view had shifted.  It was quite miraculous! 

And who was back-up for my angel self in this inner scene?  The waiter of course (who’s 2 seconds of sweetness mattered quite a bit it would seem), and my friend certainly, and everyone who ever wanted to stand up to such a thought and really see it blown away.     Everyone who ever wanted to be free in anyWAY from anyTHING was with me.  I was with them and they with me.  My freedom is everyone’s freedom and I therefore had the whole of the universe as backup.  That’s how connected I AM.  That’s how much I matter. 

That’s how much you matter too!  So do your thing today!  Get started in any small way that you do.  Do it for all of us.  We need you.

Nameste, Thank you, and Bless you~

~Jenny