In the dream I was tired, run down, exhausted. I came upon a golden glowing little cherub faced goddess. She was wearing a golden chain jacket with shimmering crystal cups all over it. All of them were full to overflowing with the most beautiful sun lit water. She sent out warmth and comfort and I was awe struck. Then she came to me and offered me one of her cups. I hesitated and then drank. It was the most refreshing drink and I felt myself coming alive. She gave me another and I drank it. I no longer felt tired. I drank one more. Every time I drank, I handed the cup back to her and she put it back on her coat and it filled back up again. I stopped feeling afraid that I was taking anything from her that would deplete her. She seemed to have plenty to share. When I had had enough, she gave me a cup and told me to give water to others that needed it. I went out with the cup and found someone and helped them to quench their thirst. Then I came back and exchanged that cup for a full one in order to go help someone else. I kept going like this for a while.
One trip out, with an overflowing cup, I ran into an old friend of mine. I was so happy to give this friend water since I knew how much they needed it. The friend drank and then hid the cup in their jacket. I asked politely for the cup back. “Please, I have to give it back to the goddess.” “I have no cup.” “Yes, the one that held the water I gave you.” “You never gave me anything. All you ever do is take, take, take. Even if I had this cup you talk about I wouldn’t give it back to you. You owe me. Why do you deserve this goddess and not me?” “But if you keep the cup, it won’t be refilled.” I said. “Like I said,” said the old friend that did not seem much like a friend anymore, “I don’t have the cup and even if I did, I don’t owe you anything.”
I suppose that’s true I thought… no one owes me anything… but I can’t go back to the goddess empty handed! I had been responsible for the cup and had lost it. I could not go back.
I wandered as I thought and soon found myself hungry and tired again and thinking my old friend was right. All I do is take take take…. Maybe I don’t deserve the generosity of a goddess….
Soon I happened upon a house and I entered. Everyone seemed sullen like me. We all gathered at a table to eat supper (the table of the dead souls). I noticed that everyone else at the table was only pretending to eat and their skin and eyes were drawn and ashen. I was indeed hungry but I didn’t want to eat and give away that I was actually alive. I looked down at my arm and realized it was turning ashen like the rest of them. I realized I was becoming dead like them. In terror I looked up. I caught eyes with an old woman at the end of the table who mouthed, “Get out of here!”
I got up slow and then I ran! I got to the front door of the house which was now suspended in space and there was no ground underneath my feet were I to continue. I looked back and they were all chasing me! I looked forward into the nothingness and… I jumped.
I free fell for at least a minute and then 3 benevolent spirits swooped underneath me and picked me up. They gently fly me to safety atop a cloud. It was daylight now and it was beautiful out. They showed me how to jump on the clouds. I jumped and I jumped high! It was so easy and super fun! Then they told me to jump down to the earth below. Suddenly I was aware of being above the earth. It looked beautiful down below but really far away! “I’m afraid.” I said. “I’ll die if I jump down there.” “You won’t die,” They said. “You’ll learn to live.” “But jumping is easy up here. Its not easy down there.” “You have to learn to walk as lightly on the planet as you do on the clouds.” They told me and for some reason I believed them. I thought… this is the only way. Let it all go and then maybe all will be forgiven. Maybe I’ll get to see the goddess again and maybe I’ll get to help her deliver the water. Maybe I can live. Maybe it could be fun….
So I jumped.
And the earth was bouncy like the clouds and so were the buildings and so were the cars. I jumped. I flew. I played. And LIFE felt like something worth living!!! I jumped from the earth to the clouds and back again. It was easy… and I was free.
One day I found myself walking along a path and I once again I came upon the golden goddess. When she saw me I saw a tear form in her eye. I knelt before her and begged her forgiveness for returning without the crystal cup. She leaned down and lifted me up and handed me a glass of water. “I did not miss the cup,” she said. “I have plenty of cups. And new cups grow on me every minute. I missed YOU.”
In the flash it all became clear. She never needed the cup back. I was the one who decided that was true and I was the one who had banished myself. I could have just returned to her. There was no crime and no need for punishment. All was already well.
“I missed you too!” I said. And the two of us returned to basking in the light of one another, she with her overflowing cups and me with my ability to distribute it with joy and lightness between the earth and the clouds.
